Freewill

There are those who think that life has nothing left to chance
A host of holy horrors to direct our aimless dance

A planet of playthings, we dance on the strings of powers we cannot perceive. The stars aren't aligned or the Gods are malign, blame is better to give than receive.

Diagnosis Day was devastating. Instead of getting old gradually over 30 years, it felt like I was going to get old quickly — dramatically quickly. The 40-plus buffet of symptoms was waiting for me, and it was time to tuck in.

Rosie immediately saw that Parkinson's was the best of several neurological possibilities given the symptoms we were seeing. She let me talk, guided my thinking and, by D-Day +1, we were already looking for opportunities.

One opportunity I seized was to restart playing table tennis after 40 years. Why? Because there was a World Championships to take part in — I'm in! Two World Championships in two different sports in one lifetime? That would be pretty cool.

So… fast-forward. I've just taken part in the Ping Pong Parkinson's World Championships in Lignano Sabbiadoro. I qualified simply by being a Parky — and so did around 240 other men and 90 women. All 330 of us had two things in common:

• we have Parkinson's
• we have chosen to fight.

The championships are highly inclusive, with a classification system allowing elite players to compete for Class 1, down to those with the fewest table tennis skills / most limiting symptoms in Class 3 — where I slotted in nicely.

Competitively, I did surprisingly well in both singles and doubles. But the table tennis was only a small part of an extraordinary week.

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose Freewill

My doubles partner — let's call him Peter — and I essentially met on a blind date 😊. We got on like a house on fire, quoting the same cult films, sharing the same (hilarious, in our opinion) humour and, crucially, having the same gallows-humour approach to Parkinson's. I will never again be able to watch Jack Douglas in a Carry On film without laughing out loud.

But this week wasn't just about table tennis pairings. There were 330 competitors and probably as many supporters. That's over 500 people fighting similar battles — an incredible opportunity to share experiences, learn, laugh, cry, be inspired and inspire.

I must have spoken to 40 people whose stories left me completely energised. I chatted in English (I can do that), French (I can do that), Italian (six months of Duolingo hmmmmm!), and ultimately we all spoke Parky.

These are people I hope to see at future tournaments — or draw strength from them online.

The theme in every conversation? Not symptoms. Not medication. Not health-system frustrations.
It was about fighting Parkinson's through exercise.

That's my language.

Watching my fellow competitors was powerful — and humbling. Parkinson's has five broad stages, from stage one, mild symptoms through to requiring 24/7 support at stage five. Stages one to three — possibly some fours — were there.

I saw players:

• shuffling between matches, stooped, arms motionless
• struggling through doors
• freezing at the table
• stumbling and steadying themselves on it
• falling, with paramedics rushing in (and they were busy)

In the hotel room next to mine, my neighbour had nightly hallucinations and panic attacks. Non-motor symptoms were everywhere.

At first it was uncomfortable — I'm a bit of a shuffler myself these days — but the overwhelming theme?  No self-pity, no giving up, just relentless forward momentum — and genuinely high-quality, competitive table tennis.

Utterly inspirational.

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose Freewill

So, why are 300-plus Parkies playing table tennis at the World Championships? Because if there's a weakness, we challenge it. Playing table tennis:

• improves hand-eye coordination
• develops balance
• challenges movement issues
• builds strength
• boosts aerobic fitness
• enhances cognition (memory, concentration, neuroplasticity)
• reduces freezing episodes
• creates social connection — you simply can't avoid it
• builds lifelong support networks

Each of us, a cell of awareness, imperfect and incomplete
Genetic blends with uncertain ends on a fortune hunt that's far too fleet

You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice

Whist watching the tournament from the stands I did a lot of reflecting. A few thoughts:

The diagnosis changes you, whilst there's no rush, the clock is ticking. I'm a firm believer in the phrase "GET A GRIP". Friends and family will hold your hand but ultimately you need to do your best with what you have. Be proactive, take control, maintain momentum, just keep moving forward.

Following a theme from my sporting career, my biggest challenge is me. Right now, it's not about Parkinson's Disease and what it throws at me, it's about how I get a grip of my life, get a routine, keep motivated and keep moving forward.

My aim is to start every day with hope and as life is about being at the right place and at the right time, my intention is to do exactly that, I will be at the right place at the right time.

You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose Freewill

As Lignano Sabbiadoro becomes a memory, the most extraordinary uplifting, energising, memory, I have come home feeling I can take on the world and

Never ever give up